Local Grandmas Launch Massive Boycott of Controversial National Holiday.

It’s National Anti-Cooking Day and tradition-loving grannies are not having it.

Following the proclamation from Bite Squad that September 24 shall be officially declared National Anti-Cooking Day, the local group of “Grandmas for the Advancement of Old Family Recipes and Treasured Cooking Techniques” expressed their frustration via Facebook. 

Myrna Jones, the group’s leader, commented, “What an outrage. This holiday is baloney!” Jones also created a Facebook event to boycott the holiday and encouraged the group’s members to paste and share her posts on their own pages. Jones even went so far as to add the stinging phrase, “most of you won’t share this,” noting that this passive-aggressive remark is her go-to for ensuring her Facebook messages are amplified to their fullest potential. 

Bite Squad recently announced September 24 as National Anti-Cooking Day in an email to its members, in response to the widely-recognized National Cooking Day holiday that falls on September 25. 

“We feel strongly that a day to honor all the good things about not cooking is important, and we mean no disrespect to anyone who is pro-cooking,” commented a spokesperson for Bite Squad. “In fact, we love cooking… we just love it more when someone else does the cooking and we get to deliver delicious meals as a result.”

No matter what you celebrate, Bite Squad wants nothing more than to brighten your day with your favorite local food, delivered conveniently to your doorstep. Because you’ve got better things to do than worry about dinner, dishes, and frivolous holidays.  

Editor’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.